What not to do to the Akatsuki
by I-Fancy-Rock-Lee
Summary: 50 things not to do if you value your life.


**50 rules on what NOT to do if you want to survive in the Akatsuki**

1) When someone asks you what do you want for dinner, don't look at Kisame and lick your lips.

2) Don't sing "blues clues" whenever Kisame walks in the room.

3) Don't shout "oh look blue, you found a clue!" whenever Kisame goes to pick something up.

4) If you are with Deidara, don't tell him you agree with Sasori about art.

5) Don't sing " Dude looks like a lady!" whenever Deidara walks in.

6) Don't recite the words from Finding Nemo when Kisame is around.

7) Don't stick hundreds of pictures of Jesus up in Hidans room.

8) Don't refer to Sasuke as Sas**GAY**! **(especially not in Itachi's presence)**.

9) Don't sing opera around the house. **(trust me it gets annoying!).**

10) Don't say "in bed" after everything someone says.

11) Don't water Zetsu telling him he looks a bit dry.

12) Don't spray Hidan with water (or any other content) whenever he swears saying "BAD BOY!"

13) Do not narrate everything you or others are doing **(My sister does that.. Very annoying!)**

14) Don't give Itachi the phone saying "its your mum".

15) Don't sow pictures of Itachi's face on Kisame's boxers and say "HAHA! Itachi's in your pants!

16) Don't invite Akatsuki cosplayer's round.

17) Don't ask Sasori if he is related to Gaara, when he says he is tell him Gaara's way cooler.

18) Don't watch the Grim adventures of Billy and Mandy and tell Hidan the reaper from that's more scary.

19) Don't run up to Hidan when he is doing a ritual saying " Aww, silly boy, you hurt yourself again!" and kiss it better.

20) Don't ask Deidara if he is a boy or a girl, when he says boy, ask for proof.

21) Don't put the Akatsuki in yellow pages.

22) Don't constantly ask Kakuzu if he is a time Lord and sing the Doctor Who theme tune.

23) Don't sing "it's Shawn the sheep" to Hidan before he has brushed his hair and it's all fluffy.

24) Don't give Hidan a kiss and say it's from Tobi.

25) Don't add in random words when Itachi says "it's because you lack…hatred" _**e.g. it's because you lack…BUNNIES!**_

26) Don't blame everything bad you have ever done on the ALIENS. E.g. "why haven't you done the washing up?" - "because the aliens"

27) Don't ask Deidara where he put you make-up when he used it.

28) When Kakuzu asks you to give him all your money hand him over a HUGE bag of penny's.

29) Don't walk in to the room and ask if anyone knows if Kakuzu is finished with you're my little pony DVD.

30) When the Akatsuki go shopping, don't put **inappropriate** things in the trolley.

31) Don't get Tobi to perform all the stunts from Jackass.

32) Don't lock Pein in the shower, then turn on all the taps and flush the toilet.

33) Don't offer Sasori a mint every time he talks or gets close to you.

34) Don't get a book on shark reproduction and re-label it **Kisame's diary.**

35) Don't teach Tobi the song that never ends.

36) Don't Kakuzu a wheelchair and when he asks what its for you simply tell him he's getting old.

37) Don't sell Hidans Scythe on e-bay.

38) Don't buy Pein magnets and throw them at his face when you go on holiday.

39) Don't put the TV on mute and pretend to talk then tell Deidara all the bombing made him loose his hearing.

40) Don't sing "the devil is a loser and he's my bitch!" when Hidans around (although it's a great song).

41) Don't decorate Zetsu and tell him that its cheaper than buying a Christmas tree.

42) Don't hide the Akatsuki's money and when Kakuzu asks where it is say "oh yeah that… we ran out of toilet paper"

43) Don't replace Itachi's underwear with my little pony boxers and pull his trousers don't in front of everyone.

44) Don't buy fish for dinner and say " hey! Kisame look, I'm eating your Nan!"

45) Don't paint the other half of Zetsu saying "oh sorry, I didn't know that was your skin, I thought you just ran out of paint".

46) Don't wake the Akatsuki up in the middle of the night to announce you need the toilet.

47) Don't scratch the 's' of the Akatsuki Speedo swimming shorts.

48) Don't put fertiliser in Zetsu's shoes telling him it will make him big and strong!

49) Don't pick Zetsu's nose and tell him you thought the green hair was snot and you felt sorry for him.

50) Don't play the game Peanuts with Hidan… you wont win!


End file.
